The Good News My tests have all finally arrived at the doctor’s office! The nurse called me to let me know she’s just waiting to hear what the doctor’s plan is and she’ll let me know. Praying HARD that we have a plan by this afternoon. Maybe I can get the procedure done soon, or maybe I could go home for a while if the appointment is a ways off.
The Weird News Last night was rough. I had the strangest experience, and truthfully some of it could have been a dream as I must have slept some, though fitfully. I normally remember my dreams, and I would call last night ‘dreamless,’ without REM sleep as I saw the clock at nearly every hour until morning, but who knows. I’m fairly certain I was having episodes — we ran out of magnesium oil yesterday so I bathed in epsom salts (magnesium sulfate) before bed, so that should have been alright. Anyway, at one point in the wee small hours, my brain did such a bizarre thing, I was almost sure I was having a seizure of some kind. You know those billboards that are made up of thin, rotating slats so they can show 2 or 3 different ads? My brain felt like it was slatted like that, only instead of gently rotating to a different picture, it flashed, in a really fast, pulsing rhythm. It was like blinds being open and closed, black ‘slats’ or lines across pictures… I remember thinking, “Oh, they are wrong, I am having seizures.” Then everything went white. I don’t know if I had my eyes shut or if I was looking around in the dark? But everything went a really brilliant, pure white. I remember thinking rather calmly, “Oh, this is what’s happening now, I’m going to die.” I wasn’t frightened at all.
There’s a big blank section after that, but I remember ‘coming to’ and having terrible night sweats. At one point it was so bad, I unbuttoned my pajamas and started shoving the bedclothes down my front to soak it all up. I passed out like that (not literally, sleep, I think?) and woke later wondering why I had half the bedsheet stuffed down my front. At some other point during the night, and I don’t know if this was before or after that strange brain stuttering episode, both my arms and hands were numb, and I remember thinking, “Well, that’s not a stroke, because it would only be on one side.”
I never quite had enough wits about me to get up and get help or anything like that, but when I opened my eyes later it was 9 and it felt like any other morning. At least, any other recent morning.
My head feels like it might split in two, though I’ve only had a handful of regular-non-dying-type episodes this morning. But it’s the kind of headache I had on the first day. It hurts all along the top of my head, really, like my skull is being wedged open with a wood splitter.
Strange, no? I suppose I ought to feel frightened, but I don’t, really. I do believe in life after death, but it doesn’t feel like I was ‘going toward the light’ or anything, I mean, I suppose it’s posible, but I’d expect to feel differently or be changed somehow if that happened. Of course, I suppose I nearly died when I hemorrhaged during my D&C, and even listening to the doctor tell me they were losing me, and that it was very dire and ER-tv-show-like, I was unconscious and don’t remember anything, so it was all very surreal. It might be silly, but I suppose I expect something so dramatic as crossing from this life to the next, or even standing on the threshold of death to be a little more… well, dramatic? Maybe it isn’t at all. Maybe it really is as simple as moving from one place to the next.
Either way, in the light of day, it feels very far away. I don’t feel more or less ill, just headachy and very tired. Telling my parents and my sister this morning, and writing it out now, it sounds scarier than it was. I was so out if it last night, I didn’t feel at all panicky. More annoyed? perhaps? that I couldn’t get comfortable and rest.
I wish I had a plan to get this taken care of. Whatever happened last night, it couldn’t have been good health-wise, and I sure wish we could move forward at a quicker pace.
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My title for this post is melodramatic because today is the first day of National Novel Writing Month! Happy November, by the way. I’m going to take a stab at writing a pretty terrible fantasy novel, a retelling of Sleeping Beauty, I think. Unless it derails into something else. Are you writing too? Here’s an excerpt of mine, taken from a few of my hundreds of sticky notes. I’ll share chapters here (maybe), if they aren’t too cringe-inducing. Oh maybe I will anyway. It might be fun.
p.s. I searched Flickr for a shutter-type picture that looked like what my brain did during the night, but I couldn’t find one. This picture looked kind of dreamy, so I chose that one. I didn’t take the picture, it’s from here, licensed under a creative commons license that allowed me to use it in this post. Sounds like they kept the camera shutter open on a Disneyland ride to achieve the effect :o)
Um, me thinks you should share this post with your doctor NOW!!! RIGHT NOW!!! Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. CALL RIGHT NOW!!!
High five for the Monopoly reference! I felt super funny telling the nurse about the white light and all, but I did describe it all. Hopefully they’ll move a little faster now, but maybe they’ve just chalked me up as a super weirdo. It’s 4pm here and I haven’t had any word yet. SIGH.
Although I do think the Dr. is in surgery today… trying to have patience.
No, patience is not something you need when dealing with the medical system, PERSISTENCE is. The squeak wheel gets the grease as I say. Be pleasant, but be unrelenting.
Epsom salts pulls toxins out. Magnesium oil puts magnesium in. So, not the same. Different stuff.
I surely hope you get a plan of action, quickly! Thinking of you and wishing you well, constantly.
I am so glad you are telling your story. There will be someone who it will help, I’m sure of it.
Oh so good to know. Maybe that was not a good thing to do then. My mom ran out to buy more oil so we’ll go back to that, and hopefully my headache will resolve. Exedrin Migraine isn’t touching it today.
I wouldn’t say soaking in Epsom is a bad thing. We all have gunk that needs moved out… But right now, I’m guessing right now the priority should be more magnesium in.
You can also massage the MO where ever it hurts. Tender skin, like your face (thinking temples for me) may need to have it wet first to dilute it or just dilute the MO with water. I keep a small spray bottle handy for kids feet, headaches, knee issues, spritz my toothbrush…. it’s even great for your gums!
yeah, from what I’ve read no Epsom Salt unless you’re a bell pepper plant :) Glad your mom is able to get the right stuff today! Goodness, I really hope that doc calls you back soon. Otherwise you’ll have a bunch of blog readers hunting him down getting you in his schedule book ASAP.
I really can’t believe I’m at the end of another day without a procedure scheduled, but I do realize I’m not an emergency case in the doctor’s mind. He’s got open heart surgeries and triple bypasses on his plate. So I’m sure I’m not the highest priority. If I don’t get a call tomorrow, we’ve decided to storm the place :o)
Jessica- I hope you are staying hydrated- also try to sleep w/ your wrists straight- bent wrists while sleeping create the sensations in your arms you mentioned…..anyway can you get a monitor attached to you at night? Onions, pork and beef or gelatin can exacerbate migraine……the mind is powerful— you know you are not really ready to die– your children need you way too much- you survived bearing your testimony — you will survive this— sure hope you hear from your Dr. soon……prayers and best best wishes,
I am, I’m drinking 4 bottles of smartwater every day. The doctor said not to drink plain water, as to not overtax my cells that are depleted of magnesium and potassium, so I’m drinking smartwater or vitaminwaters.
Since I can’t seem to get my surgery scheduled in a timely manner, I highly doubt I’ll be able to get monitored up any quicker, but I can try.
I haven’t eaten any of those things, nor, oddly have I had any of my migraines with aura since this started, or even a regular migraine w/o the halos. But I didn’t think about the weird brain effect and light being possibly related to a migraine, I suppose it could have, though I don’t remember any pain last night… though of course migraines can be painless.
No, I know I’m not ready to die. I think if I had crossed over, so to speak, I would have asked to return. I am not finished here, and that is certain.
Ha, only barely. I like to blame all of this on that fateful Sunday ;o)
xo
Yeah um glad you already told your doc about it. SERIOUSLY scary. But I also totally get not being there enough to get help. Mercy woman. Praying.
Weirdly not that scary… just strange. I hope it wasn’t too weird to post about, I’m having a little bit of post-publish-regret, but oh well, I like having everything documented.
Wish I could really understand it all.
Really hoping tonight is uneventful!
No I’m glad you posted it. It is scary in the sense that something was happening but you couldn’t do anything about it. Not necessarily that you were scared at the time. You know like when something intense occurs but you’re able to keep your calm and looking back your view might be a little different. As an outsider reading about the experience its super intense but yes. You should be documenting everything. Here is hoping to a good night too.
Agreed
Yes, that makes sense. I have had feelings of being very overwhelmed by it all today. I’m quite exhausted, but ha, a little leery of sleeping!
I am so uncomfortable with what you are describing ( but thank you for doing so). I m glad you were tested re seizures because it sure sounds like an experience I am familiar with. And the stroke symptoms also. Yeesh. Sure will be nice to be scheduled and treated. Praying for you. And again, thanks for your transparency.
~K!
Oh I’m sorry – uncomfortable because of the seriousness / scariness of it or because of the contemplations on life after death / crossing over? Or all of it wrapped up in one big uncomfortable package? I really did debate whether or not I should share it. I hope it isn’t too bizarre… I’m pretty overwhelmed by it all, and rather hope it was just some strange painless migraine symptom. But I rather feel it was a bit more than that, but that’s okay, I’m kind of prone to feeling nonchalant about it all, so perhaps this will help me remember that it is quite serious… or could be.
Oh no no no. I just meant about your symptoms.
I wish you well. :)
Oh well it’s okay if you were! But thank you :o)
Oh wow. That all sounds very alarming from the outside looking in. Please, please, please storm the doctor’s office tomorrow morning if they don’t call first thing. Dont let them hsng up the phone without getting something scheduled. You should not wait any longer. xoxo
Oh how I hate being a bother, and I especially loathe being a bother on the phone, but I did my best to politely plead and had the doctor on the phone in just a few minutes.
That made me think seizures, too. I’ve never had any– but for some reason, that is what comes to mind.
Do you need me to get in the car and knock some medical heads for you?
I haven’t either but it really felt like what I think one must be like. So strange!
I put on my big girl panties and did some pleading this morning. Hooray for finally being scheduled!
It probably doesn’t feel like it right now, but you have got to be one of the most resilient people I (almost) know. :-) And your faith is strong, and you have family and friends who love you and people praying for you all over the place. This too shall pass, eventually! I agree that with medical stuff, persistence us key, and a little patience is helpful for sanity’s sake.
Whatever happens, someday your kids are going to find reading these accounts really interesting and possibly helpful—you never know!
Oh Bethany, this is so nice, thank you so much. I mean it’s all I can do, you know? Persist! And hopefully not cry into a pile of towels in the laundry room too frequently :o)
xo
I love you. But you are right – you do not need to fear. Jehovah Rapha is our Healer. CANNOT WAIT TO READ THE BOOK!
Try magnesium+B6, vitamin B helps your body to take magnesium and I think, although I’m not convinced it eases the bad side effects also.
Please do share this info with you doctor, it might make a difference.
Good luck for the operation, I keep my fingers crossed.
Greetings from the other end of the world,
T.