I am the gardener here

Last week was a horrible week. I got some devastating news on Wednesday, and had myself a good old fashioned melt down and cried harder than I can remember crying in a very long time. But I could not afford to wallow. My kids were going to be home from their homeschool co-op classes in a little while, and I had work to do and the Blue and Gold Banquet to prepare for. I asked the Lord to please help me shoulder this burden, so I could put on a happy face for my family. He did, and I was able to splash my face and start dinner before the children ran in the door with their news of the day.

Before I pulled myself together, I was crying out to my Father in Heaven. I told him, “This is too hard, this is too much.” I wanted him to take the pain away, fix everything to be as it was before. He helped me remember this story:

This thing I am going through is a very hard thing, and it weighs heavily on my heart and mind. But I know now that it isn’t too hard, and it isn’t too much. With God I can do all things. The Lord will provide, and I know he is the gardener here. He will make me into something beautiful. It is painful now, but it will be okay in the end.

There is so much more to what is happening, but I’m just not sure how I feel about putting it online — and much of it isn’t sorted / decided quite yet. I am so thankful for my loving parents who have been able to help, and for dear friends who were able to listen and come bearing Moose Tracks.

Brown & soggy spring

I’m even thankful for our ugly spring. It is brown and cold and mushy, but that is what it’s like before the dawn of a new season. There are new beginnings all around me, and though we don’t have crocuses yet, I can see the signs of new life.

I am sorry to be so vague, I hope you’ll forgive me. Things really are looking up; it was just such a bad week, and my lovely current bush that I worked so hard on is weeping a bit. But all will be well.

The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.
- Job 1:21

And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
- Mosiah 24:14

Comments

  1. Jorja says

    Thinking of you. We all have that moment where we think this is too much for us to bear. One too many things on our shoulders. I am glad you have your faith and your friends and your wonderful family to help you through.

    Jorja

  2. angela s says

    I’m sorry. My prayers awe with you. The Lord does and will lift us up. He will strengthen us when we reach our limits but we need faith and to ask. He is there with you. Sending love.

  3. Michelle @ needle and nest says

    I’m keeping you in my prayers, Jessica. You’ve gone through so much lately. I’m sorry I haven’t commented, but please know I’ve been praying for you and your family as you mourn the loss of your uncle. Remember, all things are possible with God. You’ll come out of this stronger, ready for whatever comes next. And hopefully, whatever comes next will be filled with blessings! xoxo

    • jessica says

      Oh that’s okay, I’m a class-A lurker on your blog, and read but don’t comment all the time ever. Thanks so much, Michelle.

  4. Keira says

    That story has helped me through my entire life! My seminary teacher told it to us, and nearly wept. I will never forget his emotions and how they touched me. And that story and one called Jenny’s Pearls have been instrumental to help me carry on.

    • jessica says

      I had it in my head that it was a tree, but I think I’m remembering President Hinckley’s talk on how he had to severely prune a tree in his yard, I can’t find it. I’ll have to look up Jenny’s Pearls again, I know that’s why you got your wedding ring!

      xo

  5. Alejandra Alcántara says

    I am also sending you good thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the video. I’ve had three very rough years and understand what you must be feeling. Let’s keep The Gardener in our minds and hearts.

  6. trena says

    Sometimes all you can do is just keep putting one foot in front of the other because it’s the only option. Whatever is going on, you can do it!!!

    Trena

  7. Jenny says

    I always appreciate the way you weave the gospel into your blog posts. Thanks for that. I’m sorry you are experiencing sorrow.

      • Robin~ says

        I’m doing pretty well, thanx for asking! My burdens seem to be easing a bit – though it’s mostly in my perspective – the burdens are the same size but they feel smaller and more manageable lately. I wish the same for you =)

  8. Deann says

    I’m sorry to hear that you’ve hit a rough patch. This is a favorite story, it’s popped up around me twice recently, and it is a good one, though tough to live. May your blessings continue to grow :)

    • jessica says

      I think I had it half confused with another one about a tree, but I really love this take on it too. Same message anyway. Thank you!

  9. Uschi says

    Hi Jessica,

    Have been reading your blog for many years, but never commented.

    Your post reminded me of one of my favourite pieces of music, which I thought I’d share just in case you liked it too.

    It’s not everyone’s cup of tea: Arvo Part is the composer and the work is called “I am the true vine”
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tP5s2BxM-L0

    The text is John 15: 1-14 in the King James version, which I enjoy the poetry of.

    • jessica says

      Thanks Angie, I get compliments on my cute Origami Owl locket every time I wear it! Hope your business is doing well :o)

  10. Jess says

    thanks for sharing this. I am going through the hardest thing I have ever had to face right now and it’s good to remember that there is a plan.

  11. Lani says

    I enjoy your blog so much. your ideas help me with scouts, parenting, etc.You look like the oldest beautiful daughter on downton abbey. I am sorry for your sorrow. Things will be good. Things will work out.

    • jessica says

      Thank you Lani, that’s so nice! I think Lady Mary is stunning so I’m going to take that compliment and run with it, ha ha!

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