Absolutely nothing.

I ditched Technorati Media after only two weeks because of the sound / music playing ads that apparently could not be blocked. They also said they thought that maybe the whole Candy Crush / app store redirect weirdness might have been coming from them, though they did try to block it for me. If anyone sees anymore of that nonsense, please let me know. Honestly, I’m getting a little weary of this whole ad experiment already, I do not know if I have the stick-to-it-iveness to see it through long term, but we shall see.

Image via Fussy.org

(Image via Fussy)

The pump guy came back on Saturday, and the good news is that everything is all pumped out and cleaned out and inspected properly and hoorah. The bad news is that I’m a little traumatized by the fact that he had to use this giant stick blender thing to churn up our, um, solids, before he could get it all out. AND his tanks on his truck? SEMI-TRANSPARENT. So we could see how we filled up one whole one to the top and 3/4 of the other one, and the humanity was just too much for me, I’m afraid.

So I basically died. Because of the transparent poop transporters. And now I’m dead so please send flowers.

That is all I have for you this Monday morning. Other than, like, how my kitten is sneezing and on antibiotics, and the other cat caught it and her eyes are glued shut, and it’s so sad, so I keep letting them sleep on me or on my bed, and petting them a lot, like they care, and then forgetting and touching my face and then I have to go take Benadryl.

Or I could regale you with our tile mistake in the bathroom that requires the pulling off of four tiles, and scraping off the thinset, and getting the trim right and … zzzzzzzzz.

So basically I’ve got nothin’. Which is the dumbest blog post ever, because just don’t post, right? But I had to bump the poop post down… though I posted more about it, so like I said. Flowers.


  1. Rhea says

    So at first glance I thought your graphic was a young man. But now I’m thinking it is a “mommy”? So confused!

  2. Michelle says

    Why semi-transparent? Why? There is a septic pumping company around these parts, and they have “Honey Sucker” painted on the hose reel. Every time I see them I feel uncomfortable.

    • Jessica says

      I am seriously so glad it is over. He was so cheerful while he was stick blending. It was horrifying. He didn’t even wear a mask.

  3. Angela Stone says

    That was so ackward it deserved a comment. I really don’t know what to say except, um, yeah here are soem daisies….I think though they are sweet potato poop colored. Yeah I picked out my 9 year old’s clothes one morning. Brown cords and a burnt orange long sleeve shirt. He just about freaked out at me because he couldn’t wear it. It looked like sweet potato poop. So we joke about that now. Oh and another funny. We are extended bum wipers here. We have had many foster kids and even our bio kids that weren’t good bum wipers so there is often a child hollaring “Mom please come wipe my bum!” Well our last set of kids was a 5 year old and a 20 month old. The 20 month old started say “be bop bop bum” all day long. One day we connected the dots that he was mimicking big sister. So now even though those kids have moved on my kids walk around saying be bop bop bum frequently well when dad is not home. We’ve had many walk-home-from-school-conversations about bum sweat and the torture of it. So things have evolved to the 9 year old saying “be bop bop bum” and me, the ever mature adult quickly adding “sweat” cause you know a day isn’t complete without potty talk right? And you know, I love that the F-word in my house is fart. JUST LOVE IT! I will mourn the day when they realize what the real F-word is. Thus ends my clearly derranged comment that just keeps rambling on.

    • Jessica says

      I think I’m adopting be bop bop bum. Ha ha!

      Bum sweat (dying) is a super serious topic. We just had to discuss said topic the other night after thinking about the logistics of the Pioneer Trek this summer and how there would be no baths or showers or even potties for five days, and how it will be very important to take baby wipes in the small weight allotment of stuff my husband and son will be able to bring. (Because I’m not going, no way.)

      • Angela Stone says

        So glad I could share! See there is merit in crazy posts like this one. You never know what you’ll learn. Oh and Cottonelle freshwipes are amazing and life changing. My sister sent me a case for my birthday two years ago and I gasped in shock. Seriously? Butt wipes? Oh but they are more. You understand bathrom issues. They are rough. I am not above asking my mother in law to get some Charmen Ultra Soft when she is at wal-mart when we go visit. I have to have the soft stuff because I’m in there all the time. Anyway the fresh wipes can drastically reduce the amont of wiping needed. Especially on what could be a messy one. I am frugal though so I only use them when needed. The first time I tried them, before said gift, my sister passed me a travel sized packet on my way to the bathroom at my parents during a visit. Then as soon as I came out she was baggering me about “how was it!?” yeah, it wasn’t until she bought the case for my birthday that I really embraced them. I have spread the love through other inappropriate butt wipe gifts. :)

        • Jessica says

          I love adult bum wipes (bring it, creepy google searchers), though I can’t justify the cost sometimes. And I worry if I let my kids use them they’ll forget and flush them, which… no. Not after what we just went through! I will sometimes (I can’t believe I’m going to confess this on the interwebs) run toilet paper under water to get it damp, because dry TP just does NOT do a good job. I mean, unless I’m eating really cleanly in which case miraculous things happen to bowel movements and TP is practically not required.

          • Angela Stone says

            NO!!!!!!!!!!! Wet TP is evil, nasty and freaky! Oh it makes me want to vomit. Yeah though I get it. We eat 95% vegan and GF and crazy healthy so yes, our family uses a LOT of toilet paper. I love where this went, I’m sorry. Best comment thread. Thank you.

            • Jessica says

              Ha! Only damp… and if you get the good stuff (Charmin all the way, baby!) it works, but not as good as wipes, but STILL better than dry!!

    • Michelle says

      At my house, the S-word is “stupid”. If the neighborhood kids are all outside playing, and one of them calls another “stupid”, DS nearly strokes out. I, also, dread the day that he realizes that “stupid” isn’t even close to a curse word.

      • Jessica says

        This sounds like my J. He has learned real swear words (darn you, world!) but remains just as appalled by ‘shut up,’ ‘stupid,’ and basically any other mean or rude thing you could say. “Nearly strokes out” is totally accurate.

        • Michelle says

          G is 9, and I realize he is a little dorky. When he hears “the S-word” he makes a face that turns him into a miniature Don Knotts. His eyes bug out of his head and he purses his mouth and kind of flails his arms about like he’s being attacked by flying monkeys. I have to admit, when the windows are open and I hear “stupid!”, I run as fast as I can to see G’s face because it’s so hilarious.

  4. robin~ says

    oh, no, this is the BEST post ever! my BigKid thought something was wrong because I was laughing so hard =)

    Yea for the cleaned out tanks, boo for the see-through tanks (seriously, why?)

    • Jessica says

      Ha ha! I know, so gross. And then he drove through town with our… stuff… sloshing about and people could see. At least there wasn’t a big banner across the tanks declaring our name and address, though neighbors drove by. Ew.

  5. Christine says

    My condolences. I’m so sorry about the transparent truck. Ewwwww.

    We had to call out a plumber to do *something technical blah blah* to our powder room toilet (because FLUSHABLE WIPES ARE NOT FLUSHABLE, PSA EVERYONE) and then his phone rang and he answered it saying “I’m up to my elbows in other people’s feces here…” and then turned it off, and said to me, grinning, “That always gets them off the line quickly.” I was just slightly horrified.

    • Jessica says

      I love flushable wipes! But I cannot let my kids use them b/c they will totally forget and flush away. See also: that time when we were out of TP and they were flushing paper towels. OHMYGOSH.

      Oh wow, that… I would have wanted to sink into the floor.

  6. Lanna says

    Today’s random thought thanks of my hubby… do you have a garbage disposal? And use it?

    Waste treatment plants (yes, the giant ones), absolutely detest and hate ‘flushable’ wipes. They, ahem, complain (hubby used a different word) about them all. the. time. So even if you don’t have a septic tank, think of your lovely waste treatment operator and how you don’t want them swearing like a sailor. Ah, the things this wacky housewife/mom knows…

    And now I’m thinking of that one Halloween in my retail days where I helped two frat guys dress up as the Ambiguously Gay Duo because of that photo….

    • Jessica says

      Yes! But, we’ve broken it a few times, so we follow the plumber’s advice not to put in huge amounts of food, no eggshells, no citrus peels — all of which I used to do.

      Yeah, no flushable wipes here, even though I love them. Because they’ll forget and flush ‘em.

      Ha ha ha ha! Seriously. I feel bad if that really is a girl, but I think the stock photographer was punking us, or mislabled it, because what?

      • Lanna says

        Ah. There you go. That’s 9 years of food scraps and waste in there, mixed in with the endless poo from the kids. You didn’t always have critters in the yard to eat food scraps, so… We don’t have a disposal, just a compost pile and garbage can for food bits. That’s likely why ours only had 6 inches of sludge. I know it’s not the drainage… our yard is a thin layer of grass on top of rocks, which I think is similar to yours. Digging in the yard majorly sucks.

        On a sidenote, you can totally tell I’m a mom… I’m finishing up eating my dinner while typing about septic tanks. Awesome.

  7. Pleased as punch says

    Any post that has that picture in it is worth it. Seriously.

    I’m actually going to start blogging on a real domain soon (which, as you know my, ahem, history with blogging) is a huge ordeal. New domain because I just can’t brain fart on my pretty domain you made for me. It just seems wrong.

    But, my husband happens to love gum, so it will be awesome, because I can totally buy him some every once in awhile!

      • Pleased as punch says

        I think it will happen. I just have to convince myself to hit “purchase” for the domain name.

        Why was this so much easier when I was younger? Oh wait…that was before I knew (or cared) about the ramifications of putting yourself out there.

        But, that gum isn’t going to buy itself!

        • Jessica says

          K, you better keep me posted.

          AH KNOW, right? I kind of cringe at the wild abandonment with which I used to blog though, so I think moving in this direction (dare I say maturity) is a good thing. And also gum, amirite?!

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