My blog stormed off in a huff and is sulking in the corner

Dear Jessica,

What the crap? You never call, you never write. Not even a postcard. I’m hurt.

Love,
Your Blog.

Dear Blog,

Uuuuggggghhhhh.

Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,

What is THAT supposed to mean???!!!!!!

Hurt AND confused,
Your Blog.

Dear Blog,

I… I don’t know how to phrase this in a way that won’t hurt your feelings. But I just don’t give a crap, you know? Like, do you ever get to that point in life where you’re just like… this is the garden where I grow my craps and it’s TOTALLY empty? Like, all the crap plants just died? I just, I.. I have no craps to give!

Me.

Dear Jessica,

I think that is extremely rude, and a poor analogy besides.

- A CRAPPY Blog, apparently.

Dear Blog,

Sigh. It’s not like this is new, you know. It happens. I get all wanderlusty and trip over to Godaddy and start looking for new domain names. I’ve actually been really good lately! I only own like 4 domain names! That’s a total record. I think I owned 22 in 2004.

Anyway. I don’t know. It’s not you, it’s me. Besides, I’m not gone forever or anything. I mean, I’ve been lovingly printing all your archives into books! Real live bound books that sit on my shelf.

Love, me.

Dear Jessica,

Snif. Really? Books? Do you even include the posts you’ve made private over the years? Hidden away like parts of me are something to be ashamed of?

Flouncingly yours,
Blog.

Dear Blog,

Yes. Real live books with all the posts I decided were best kept between me and you only, like a secret. Like a SPECIAL secret.

Love,
Me.

Dear Jessica,

“Special secret” sounds gross.

Don’t be gross,
Blog.

K.

K? Just K? What, is this conversation over? Like OVER, OVER?

- B.

Dear “B,”

No, you’re just exhausting. But books! On my shelf! Yay!

Me.

Dear Jessica,

I guess I’m okay with that. Will you at least leave me up so all my Pinterest fans (preens and struts) can find us? And you’ll tell everyone, right? All the people that visit me and click my links and use my search box? I love it when they use my search box.

Ever yours,
Blog.

Dear Blog,

Erm. Now you’re sounding a bit gross, but whatever. Yes, I’ll tell people. I’ll move some (not all, mind) of your posts over, and do fancy redirects so your super fanz can find you.

p.s. I hate to be the one to tell you but a lot of your super fans are just bots. You know this right? The amount of spam we’re receiving after joining the BlogHer network is STAGGERING.

-J.

M’KAY.

(See? I can be all short and succinct and cool-like. Don’t write back, I’m too busy polishing things up for the big move, and planting some give-a-crap seeds in your barren wasteland of a short-attention-span care-garden.)

p.s. We’ve already had this argument. People control bots so they count as fans.
p.p.s you’re a loser face.
p.p.p.s. You should at least tell all your readers, I mean BOTS what happened with the house you were sniveling about. Geez.
p.p.p.p.s. I mean it, don’t write back.

HUMPH.

Blog is right. I do owe you an update, yes? So there was like the tiniest smidgen of hope for about a week that the other buyers might hit a snag or whatever, but alas. It was not to be. So we’ve been hunting around and looking at places and I’m NOT drawing up floorplans and remodeling places in my head because I get way too attached. There is a little something in the works and I hope we’ll make an offer on it this week, but I have no idea how it’ll go.

How is that for public restraint?

ALSO, I don’t really have any immediate plans to change domains or anything, but my (online) give a crap garden is suffering from a bit of a drought. It really does happen from time to time and I’ll either start blogging more regularly or reinvent everything. Dunno. But if I did move, I really would let you all know, so don’t lose sleep or anything (haha hahahahaaa haaaaahh).

xx

I wanted soy

Chocolate

So this is why bloggers don’t share anything about the house buying process until they’re under contract and packing boxes. Well, I can’t help wanting to talk about it along the way, but oh I’m sad. And also in a bit of a sugar shock after consuming a giant bar of chocolate before bed while I cried into the wrappers in my lap. The realtor called last night with the horrible, rotten, no good, terrible bad news that we were in second place in the bidding war, and that the bank was going to (of course) go with the slightly higher offer.

There is an itty bitty chance that the higher bidder could back out of the deal or hit a snag – it sometimes happens – but the realtor warned us that it usually doesn’t. Still, he said he should know sometime today whether it’s a go or not.

This will sound crazy, but I’m holding onto that tiny shred of hope like it’s a life preserver in a storm tossed sea. It still feels like our house and I’m incredulous that the phone call didn’t bring different news.

I know everyone likes to say that there will be other houses, but the platitudes don’t really help. At least not right now. I’m being very dramatic and absolutely positive that we are now doomed to live in our tiny doublewide forever more. I feel like my sister’s toddler who, when told she cannot play with something wonderfully dangerous, falls to pieces on the floor, kicking and screaming. The bright and shiny alternatives offered as compensation prizes are not okay, not wanted, and are not going to replace the brilliantly desirable plastic bag / kitchen knife / wall outlet, or whatever.

This is a poor analogy because I don’t equate my carpet house with danger, but you get the idea.

That poor stuffed duck

So we noticed an odd odor coming from the doghouse today. Upon inspection, this is what was found:

hoarded-doghouse

I made this comic, because we thought it was weird enough to be funny, but then I started worrying and felt bad about titling it ‘legit crazy’ because the more I read the more I took that ‘legit’ thing more literally. Google MD will do that to a person. In addition to the strange rock, puff ball, and dead animal collecting, I’ve noticed a few other behavioral changes in Lucy. She no longer greets us when we come home, for one, and doesn’t respond when I call her or ask her “Where’s your ball?” She’ll just turn and go into her doghouse and sort rocks. E. thinks she still seems pretty normal overall, and thinks maybe Lucy is just adjusting to the move. He might be right, but she is 10, and the all knowing interwebs say that’s when a lot of dogs start going nutty. I’m convinced we’re seeing the signs of early senility, though she only has 2 or 3 of the signs on the following sites:

Congitive Dysfunction Syndrome in Dogs
Canine Dementia

The doghouse is all cleaned out. I don’t think she’s too happy about it, but we’ll watch her and see if she begins rebuilding. She’s always liked rocks and carries them around the yard, but we had no idea she was lining them up in ‘keep-out’ type lines. She and Azzo get along great, though she’s a lot less playful than she used to be, and Azzo, the typical Swissy, is in a prolonged puppyhood and hasn’t calmed down a bit. Maybe she wants her space? He has started sleeping on the porch, but we chalked that up to no fence and him wanting to keep an eye on things. But maybe the doghouse was creeping him out. Or maybe Lucy gets territorial in there and growls? That would be so out of character for her. But then, so is collecting dead things.

Anyone out there dealt with dementia in dogs? Poor girl, I’ll get her into the vet ASAP. :(

While we wait

The realtor called Friday morning to tell us the bank was giving everyone today to put in their final offers. We firmed up our offer, made it as aggressive as we could, and now we wait.

It’s a foreclosure property and they’re a little slower, so the realtor told us we would probably know one way or the other by the middle of next week. Oy. Patience is not one of my strong suits.

So. Photos. Crappy ones, straight off the phone. My instagram editing is actually a better representative, these are washed out a bit. Let’s start with the kitchen you’ve already seen. This is standing on the stairs going up to the addition and looking down. The angle makes it look like there are popcorn ceilings, but they’re just textured regular-like:

Offer house

Someone removed the bank of cabinets over the peninsula at some point, and they aren’t on the property anywhere. You can’t really see the light over the dining table, but it’s a matched set with the yellow light over the sink and in front of the fridge area. I love them.

Here’s the full shot I instagrammed. Yes, that’s carpet, and yes, it goes up the cabinet walls. The stools are kind of neato, and really sturdy.

Offer house

Here’s the front room with yes, a carpeted ceiling beam. That ceiling beam denotes (I think) the end of the original 1950s house and the start of the first major addition. The original 50′s house was pretty small. I’m mourning the loss of the original fixtures from that era, though there are some really fun original doors, push-button light switches, and crystal knobs in the basement.

offer house

The corner above is a result of a recent closet configuration in one of the small bedrooms.

On the other side of the orange front room is another tiny room, this one enclosed:

offer house

I think they ended up with this awkward space when they added the second addition and put in the stairs that go up over the garage, so they just enclosed it and made it a tiny little carpeted room. It has a big bank of cabinets that appear to have held card tables and folding chairs for parties, but I can’t fathom what else the room might have been used for, maybe a small office?

Here’s the stairwell going up to the second addition. Carpet, carpet everywhere.

offer house

So let’s talk about the carpet for a sec, shall we? I’ll admit that there isn’t a lot that is particularly attractive or appealing (by today’s standards) about this house, but you won’t find me trashing the former owners. I find that attitude pretty rude home on renovation blogs. Someone loved this house and I’m not going to bag on their personal style or the era they lived in. I’m sure whatever I do to update it will be sniggered at 30 years from now.

HOWEVER, I will scratch my head along with you over the carpet on the walls. That is something I’ve never seen before! I assumed at first, that this was a late 60s / early 70s trend; maybe the homeowner saw it in a magazine? But I can’t find many references or vintage photos online, and you’d think there’d be a lot from people buying older homes and renovating. (Here’s one, and another. I can’t find many more!) I found the obituary of the man who lived here, and he and his wife raised 5 kids — so maybe it was just to protect the walls? I can understand that, for sure. I was amazed at how dinged up our walls were when we were readying our house to sell. Kids can do some major damage, yo. But who knows, maybe they just really liked the look, because I cannot explain the carpet on the ceiling beam.

Having scrubbed potty areas in a house with little kids, I think carpet in bathrooms (and kitchens) is pretty unsanitary, but I know that people coming out of the post-war / depression era found wall to wall carpeting really luxurious. Having flooring that could be cleaned with a machine (rather than polishing, waxing, or mopping) was considered very modern and posh, and must have felt softer and warmer in these wetter / messier areas.

Anyway, so, at the top of the stairs is this utterly charming sewing room. I don’t have any great photos of it, but it’s lined with custom cabinets designed just for fabric, with a sewing machine cabinet right in the middle. This room would have to be made into a bedroom, but maybe the tiny orange room could be made into a new sewing room. It would be fun to reuse some of the cabinets and that carpet if I can save it.

offer house

The master suite is so large you could hold a cartwheel competition in it. Counting the walk in closet and bathroom, it’s probably half the square footage we’re living in now. We’d turn the west end (shown) into another bedroom as there are only three right now.

offer house

I only had my phone so these pictures aren’t the greatest – I’m realizing I do not have one that shows the giant size of the master. Here’s the end with the bathroom in it (E. is marveling at the carpet remaining around the toilet & I think J. has locked his brother out):

Offer house

And some vintage features from the bathroom:

offer house

I think this is a sink specific for hair washing:

Offer house

Offer house

I don’t have a picture of the blue tub. There was carpet flooring in here, but someone tore it out and started to tile, though the tile isn’t actually attached to the floor. There is still carpet around the back and sides of the toilet; someone got interrupted in their tiling, I guess.

The two other bedrooms were redone recently and are fairly nondescript: beige carpet, brown walls. So I don’t have pictures. The laundry room and the hall bathroom also got new tile and some new fixtures so I didn’t photograph those very well either.

The basement has some interesting arches leading into what used to be the home’s laundry (far right), the utility/mechanical room (left of stairs) and a niche leading to two very tiny bedrooms.

Offer house

The basement, was, at one point finished – the bedrooms have closets and cute doors and faded wallpaper, but the basement hasn’t been used as living space in a long time. I’m fairly certain the paint is lead and the ceiling tiles are asbestos. We’ll have them tested and handled properly. Children have not been allowed to see the basement as paint is peeling and chipping in big chunks.

They put in a basement when they did the addition, so there is a big storage room to the right of the above photo. It’s newer and just empty space, though it does have a flue for a stove.

Offer house

I have outside shots, but I feel a little squidgy posting them online. The outside of the house is not pretty, but not hideous enough to be interesting to gawk at, so you’re not missing much. It has a blue metal roof, white aluminum siding trimmed with rust and brown accents. The chimney is yellow and orange flagstone. The add-on is weird and dwarfs the original part of the house. It looks a bit like this, though, uh, not sinking & crooked, I just draw tired at almost 1am:

house-sketch

It is a far cry from this loveliness that I insta’d a while back:

But there are still lots of reasons to love it… more on that soonish, this is long enough! I can talk A LOT (I even edited! Sorta! It’s after midnight, afterall!) about houses, and you should see my piles of floorplans I’ve drafted from memory. I might have a problem. Later skaters.

Hey blog.

We really like this crazy house. It has three offers on it and one of them is ours. I’m on pins and needles and have a stomach full of butterflies.

They’re probably going to select one of the other offers. We’re probably not going to get it. No way are we going to get it.

I really hope we get it.